Fri, Apr 10, 2009
PAGE 1
Since there isn’t much dialogue, the first page reads more slowly then the rest of the story. The story has a slow start.
4th paragraph: this line is a bit long, how about shortening it to break up the sentence structure in the rest of the paragraph?
6th paragraph: change sentence to “Only so much remained before the inevitable decline.”
PAGE 3
1st paragraph: “Upon more reflection” change to “After some reflection”
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